Bodies and healthiness and image and mental health

In intellectual circles, we often prioritize the mind over the body. I live in these circles, I’m not going to lie. Except that I also live in upper-middle-class California where life tends to revolve around exercise. How many steps do you average? If you run, what’s your mile time? Do you ride your bike to work?

If I’m honest with myself, I worry that I’m walking every day not to be healthy, but to conform to what American society has decided that the optimal female body shape should be. Am I just policing myself so that I don’t get yelled at by other people? Or am I really trying to be healthy?

These are the themes that Roxane Gay is dealing with in Hunger, except that her body issues  stem from trauma – she was gang-raped at 12. She gained weight to stay safe, to hide. She’s had eating disorders. She’s been through therapy, and is working to get healthy. All of this is laid bare in her memoir.

She also talks about desire; we hunger not just for food but also for connection to other people. Men’s desires are much more catered to in society (duh) than women’s, but that doesn’t mean that women don’t desire.

I would recommend this, if only to remind you that you have a body and what it looks like is part of who you are along with what you say and do.

Sex and violence and feeling worthless

Difficult Women is easily the most literary of all the books I’ve read lately. Roxane Gay is an excellent author, able to express herself clearly and concisely and in a way that makes me appreciate just how good she is. Which is not to say that these stories are overly intellectual or anything. Just… she’s good.

All of the women in these stories have issues with sex, violence, feeling worthless, and the combination thereof. None of them are particularly likable. There is at least one thinly veiled story of Roxane Gay’s own gang rape at the age of 12. I cannot imagine – literally, I can’t.

Are these stories part of her working through that? Maybe? I mean, I suspect the therapy was long and involved and that’s not the kind of thing you can work through whilst writing even one book. Do I think this book of short stories would be completely different if that hadn’t happened? Absolutely, because she would have been a completely different person.

Difficult Women: worth your time.